I went to Coachella as a 29-year-old and realized I’m too old for it

• The last time writer Fortesa Latifi went to Coachella, she was 21.

• Then, she slept in her car and pieced together the weekend. Now she’s 29 and feels too old for it.

• “I was different when I last went to Coachella,” she writes. “But Coachella was different too.”

The last time I went to Coachella, I was 21. I spent three days sleeping in the desert, with the trunk of my Jeep left open and the seats pushed down to create a makeshift bed. I drank warm beer and listened to music at ear-splitting volumes. I didn’t wear sunscreen or use ear plugs. I met strangers and listened to their life stories, exchanging mine for a crudely mixed drink. I ate one meal a day to save money, filling in the gaps with rushed snacks.

I’m 29 now. When I went back to Coachella this weekend, I knew it would be different — just not how different. I joked that I was too old for it, but it became less of a joke the longer I stayed.

Now I know for sure: I’m too old for Coachella

I’m also too chronically ill for Coachella. Despite trading car-camping for an Airbnb, I found myself exhausted at the thought of even entering the festival grounds. Our house was only a couple of miles away from the venue, yet it took almost an hour in an Uber to get there because of the traffic.

Each minute that ticked by reminded me how much I didn’t really want to go, to the heat and the crowds and the noise. But I tried anyway.

Even when we got dropped off, we still weren’t there

We had to walk over a mile in the desert heat to get to the entrance, and I kept thinking: “Has this festival gotten way bigger or am I just way older?” Turns out, the answer is both.

When I last attended in 2015, 198,000 people attended over two weekends. But in 2017, the festival expanded, allowing for up to 250,000 attendees. The grounds have grown by more than 40 acres to accommodate the bigger crowds.

It was validating to see that Coachella has gotten bigger, and it’s not just that I’ve gotten older (though it is undoubtedly also that).

Story continues

I was immediately overwhelmed when we got in the festival

The sounds, sights, and sheer amount of people were a lot to take in. I also found myself looking at everyone’s outfits and thinking: “Wait, this is fashion?” I’m almost 30 years old, and I felt like it.

I found some people to interview since I was there for work, and I felt like an alien visiting their planet. I wanted to find a quiet, dark place to sit and collect myself, but there aren’t any such places at Coachella. The second I walked onto the grounds, I was exhausted.

I also barely knew anyone who was performing 

I knew Frank Ocean and boygenius, but that was it. I also took this as a sign of my age.

But though in my research, I’ve found that Coachella used to be much more indie and rock focused. When I first went in 2014, I was thrilled to see Lorde, Wye Oak, Foster the People, Chvrches, and Lana del Rey. In 2015, I was most hyped about alt-J, St. Vincent, and Florence and the Machine.

As the festival has grown, it’s shifted from indie and rock to more mainstream pop and hip-hop. That’s cool too, but it’s not my vibe.

I only lasted inside the festival grounds for about 2 hours

If you count the hour it took to get there and the hour it took to get back to the Airbnb, I lasted four hours.

I was supposed to stay the whole weekend, but I left the next morning. It was just too much. I’m chronically ill, and the heat, dust, and noise were major triggers for me. I had a pounding migraine that I could feel pulsing in my temples, and during a tearful phone call to my mom, I realized being at the festival wasn’t worth sending myself into a flare.

When I got back to the Airbnb, I cut my wristband off and felt a surge of relief.

So, yeah, I’m too old and too chronically ill for Coachella

I was different when I last went to Coachella — younger, less sick, more adventurous — but Coachella was different too. We’ve both changed, and there just isn’t any common ground anymore.

But as my 30th birthday approaches, I think one of the best parts of getting older is realizing I don’t have to do things I don’t want to do. I was never good at pretending to enjoy myself, and now I’m done trying.

Read the original article on Insider